If you've been reading my blog in the past few months (as approximately 2 people are wont to do), you'll know that I am excited for Incredibles 2. Which is putting it mildly.
Pictured: me speaking Incredibles 2 into
existence over the last fourteen years.
In honor of this loooooooooong-awaited movie, I'm going to rank the Pixar movies according to my personal preference. You might be shocked to learn that The Incredibles is... actually not at the top. (*Gasps and screams from audiences everywhere*) Yes, I know, it's shocking. But worry not: The Incredibles may not be at the top, but Brad Bird damn well will be.
What's that, you say? Pixar rankings are overdone, everyone under the sun has made one, and I'm not special? Well, that may well be so, but it's my blog and I'll do what I want, so shut up and read my post!
19: Cars 3
You might be shocked. "Tying Coco and Cars 3? What in the name of god is wrong with you, you swine?" And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm forced to do this, but that's just how the cookie crumbles.
It's not that I think Coco is bad. It's not even that I think Cars 3 is good. I just haven't seen either of these. When it comes to Coco, I really should get on that. When it comes to Cars 3.... ehhhhh, I just don't care. Probably because I'm not a 6-year-old boy.
Everyone seems to think that Coco was transcendentally fantastic and represents Pixar at their best, while Cars 3 was transcendentally mediocre and represents Cars at its best. I'm gonna go ahead and take everyone at their word.
EDIT: You may notice only Cars 3 appears here now. That's because, a few weeks after publishing this, I finally bit the bullet and saw Coco. How did it hold up against the classics? Read on and find out.
18: The Good Dinosaur
I don't think this ranking will surprise anybody. In 2015, The Good Dinosaur landed with a resounding thud. I'm actually prepared to say that this is Pixar's biggest miss. Yes, an even bigger miss than the Cars franchise. I mean, man, at least the Cars franchise made some goddamn money!
The Good Dinosaur is boring, weird, strange to look at (cartoony characters on top of photorealistic backgrounds? Huh?), pretty gross, and its only semi-entertaining moment is when the characters randomly start to trip balls. This movie just generally feels mean-spirited, and doesn't have that traditional Pixar feel of hope, kindness and optimism. It just... doesn't. I didn't like this one at all.
That being said, it's still Pixar. Their "mediocre and bad" is another studio's masterpiece.
17: Brave
Brave doesn't feel like a Pixar movie, it feels like a middling Disney princess movie. It offers a likable princess and some fantastic hair animation, but other than that? Not much to like here. It doesn't have Pixar's characteristic quick-witted humor (its humor is more of the Disney-ish "old man moons crowd" type), and it's just no freaking fun at all. It's a warmed-over princess-and-witch story. That's about it. Musty is honestly my best adjective for this thing.
Let me put it this way: I don't particularly like Frozen. But if there was some situation where I had to choose between Brave and Frozen and they were the only two things on TV, it wouldn't even be a contest.
16: Cars 2
Look, Cars 2 really isn't that bad. Can we all just admit that? Everyone has spent nigh on seven years waxing poetic about how this movie is the worst thing ever made and its release heralds the coming of the Four Horsemen and whatnot. And after all that, aren't we just tired? Can't we just give up and finally admit that we don't hate this movie as much as we thought we did??
Cars 2 is not that bad. It's funny ("Do not eat the free pistachio ice cream! It has turned!"), it takes things in an unexpectedly random direction with the whole spy plot, it's kind of bonkers even for a Pixar movie, the animation is great, Mater is a sweet hero who you can easily root for (you heard me!), there's lots of racing action, it's pretty rewatchable...
Honestly, even though I'm putting it pretty low on this list, I don't dislike Cars 2 at all. I will repeat myself. It is NOT THAT BAD, people. Time to chillax.
15: Cars
Cars has given us many gifts. "Kachow" memes. Memes in general. "Real Gone" by Sheryl Crow. Dozens of videos questioning how in the hell this weird-ass universe can possibly exist, whether or not cars have organs, whether people are extinct in this world, and whether the sentient cars banded together in a huge rebellion and annihilated their helpless masters. Or, you know, not.
And honestly? Cars is not that bad of a movie. Sure, it turned into a shameless cash-grab of a franchise. Sure, the world-building is iffy. Sure, it ripped off 1991's Doc Hollywood. But if you can look past all that, Cars is a sweet, gentle story about a pretty shitty guy learning to be good. It's entertaining, it's funny, the colors are bright and the visuals are great. Cars isn't a masterpiece, but it's no stinker, either. I kind of like this one.
14: Monsters, Inc.
And that's pretty much the extent of my opinion today. I just hate the look of Monsters, Inc. Other than that? Perfectly watchable. Great little movie. Obviously it's miles ahead of what other studios were putting out at the time (I mean, Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius is a million times uglier). But the textures? Just hideous. Sulley's fur looks greasy, Mike's skin looks slimy, everyone else looks gross, the weird mottled skin colors on the characters with no hair... it's just straight-up hideous.
And I know for a fact this wasn't intentional, it was just because in 2001 the CGI was shitty. How do I know this? Because Monsters University came out in 2013 and looked loads better. Thank god for advancing technology.
13: Inside Out
Listen, Inside Out just barely made it ahead of Monsters, Inc. on this list. I didn't really like Inside Out! And even I'm weirded out by my own reaction to this film.
On one level, I know that Inside Out is a great movie. It's gorgeously animated, genuinely funny, deeply thoughtful and moving... just everything that makes Pixar great. So why didn't I like it? Honestly, I can't tell you. It's just that after watching it once, unlike with other Pixar offerings, I had no desire to watch it again. It was a little sadder, heavier, and more depressing than most of their films.
It might be because our three protagonists - Joy, Riley and Sadness - aren't all that easy to root for. Riley is kind of a brat (I know it's because she's depressed, but still); Joy is a mean-spirited and thoughtless character; and Sadness is just sad. While I could appreciate their story, I didn't want to experience it again.
My innate knowledge that Inside Out is a really great, thoughtful movie means I can't place it too low on this list. But not too high, either.
12: Finding Dory
There's a reason this is pretty much smack-dab in the middle of my ranking: it's just a middle-of-the-road movie. Which, for Pixar, means "so good I cried." But still, for Pixar? Not their version of fantastic.
Other than the question of the sweet almighty dollar, and the fact that Ellen spent 13 years relentlessly threatening the Pixar bigwigs' lives and the lives of their children if they didn't get this movie made, I honestly don't know why Finding Dory exists. From a narrative perspective, Finding Nemo is a closed story. Everyone's storyline gets perfectly wrapped up, including Dory's. There wasn't really any kind of huge need for this story to be told. But tell it they did, and it turned out alright. The water effects are absolutely gorgeous, and that's enough of a justification.
(*Sobbing*) They s-should've sent a p-poet...
11: A Bug's Life
This was only Pixar's second movie ever, and I wouldn't say they nailed it (at least not the way they did with their later works), but A Bug's Life is pretty great.
I have already spoken at length about this movie, including its weird tone. And by god, does A Bug's Life have a weird tone. A great portion of this movie is funny slapstick and joking around, and the general tone is light-hearted and comedic. And then there are the grasshoppers. About every 20 minutes, the movie reminds you that hey, this is actually a story about violent slavery and genocide! And, lest you forget, it ends with the main character getting the stuffing beat out of him until he ends up limping around with a black eye. That's not comedic. That's, like, the opposite of comedic.
With that being said, I still think A Bug's Life is good. It's entertaining, it has that great classic Randy Newman score (you can spot one a mile away), it's funny, and pretty much every character is likable. Visually, I wouldn't say it's some great beauty, but for 1998 it's not bad. I like this one. I wish it was on TV more often.
10: Monsters University
This is a pretty unpopular opinion, especially for someone born in the 90s, but I like Monsters University WAY better than Monsters, Inc. It might have something to do with, as I mentioned, how it looks immeasurably better.
But on the whole, I just think Monsters University is more entertaining. It's fast-paced, funny, has a great high-concept plot (win the scare games or get kicked out of school), it's packed with characters compared to the first, and no offense, but Helen Mirren makes a far more intimidating villain than Steve Buscemi did. I really like this movie.
Some people think Monsters University is one of Pixar's rare misses alongside The Good Dinosaur and Cars. I couldn't disagree more. Sure, it's not any kind of masterpiece, but it's a bright, colorful blast of summer fun. And my favorite part? Mike and Sulley don't succeed in the end. They end up getting kicked out of MU for their actions, but get entry-level jobs instead and work their way up. That's probably the most realistic ending Pixar has ever had.
(Side note: we Earth people don't have a school called Human University. Just a thought.)
9: Toy Story
Toy Story is the one that started it all, and part of the best trilogy of all time (this isn't my opinion, it's just a fact). I've got to give it props for that. At least until they release Toy Story 4 in 2019 and ruin it.
As you can see, there are multiple movies I like more, and think are better, than Toy Story. However, this one is still the king of them all. It features everything that makes Pixar great: cutting-edge animation (ahem, for 1995 anyway), great characters (even Woody is somehow likable despite being a shitty person), an engaging story, fantastic humor, and obviously that classic Randy Newman music. I mean, my god, this movie originated "You've Got A Friend In Me." What's not to love?
I don't necessarily think Toy Story has too many profound themes going on beneath the surface, but damn, it's still a great film. And without it, today's filmscape would look very, very different.
8: Coco
I just watched this movie for the first time very recently, and I had to think about where I would place it on my revised list. I went through each film on the list, from the top down, thinking, Was Coco better than this? I came to a firm conclusion. Yes, it was an improvement on Toy Story. But no, I did not like it better than Finding Nemo. I have spoken.
First thing we have to get out of the way: Coco is gorgeous. This might be - no, it is - one of the best-looking movies ever released. And that's just about 99.9% of the reason I place it above Toy Story, which, no offense, hasn't aged well. On top of that, damn, does this movie have soul! With its roots firmly planted in Mexican culture, with a theme steeped in the importance of love and family and music, Coco may well have the most heart of any Pixar offering thus far. There's so much heart in this thing, it nearly gives you a coronary. I cried, like, five times. Tears were shed.
Practically everything about Coco is perfect, and I have few complaints. So why'd I place it so low on the list? Well, honestly, I had one overwhelming thought while watching the film: if I had no knowledge of Coco, and you showed it to me, I might not be able to guess it was Pixar. Why? Well, it doesn't have the particular humor that I love to see in a Pixar outing, and that was an element whose absence I sorely felt. Dante the dog was the closest the movie came to giving us that comedic element, but he just... wasn't very funny in my opinion. The lack of humor made this movie lower on my list than some of Pixar's funnier movies.
Also, while the messages of family and love were very strong, the villain and his story felt flimsy to me - tacked-on, unnecessary. On top of that, the movie felt short - it moved along very quickly and, oddly enough, seemed both too densely-plotted and not densely-plotted enough. How does a movie manage that? I dunno. Pixar is special.
But don't get me wrong - these are very, very minor grievances about a vastly, exceedingly excellent and wonderful movie. Coco definitely has the quality I love most about Pixar - you can tell absolutely every single microsecond was constructed by people who cared. That's what I love to see.
7: Finding Nemo
I hated this movie as a little child. Don't ask me why, because I truly don't remember. I watched it again as an older kid and never looked back.
There's something so beguiling about Finding Nemo. Maybe it's the gorgeous, gentle, yet foreboding ocean landscapes that suggest a vastness beyond the human imagination. Maybe it's the light yet mysterious score. Maybe it's the story of a father and son separated by thousands of miles. Whatever the reason, Finding Nemo has a certain quality that other Pixar films (yes, even Finding Dory) seem to lack. This strange tone of peaceful enormity suggests the ability to get lost in the ocean and not mind at all.
Oh, and it doesn't hurt that the movie features fantastic characters (seriously, every single side character is great). And its hilarious humor, incredibly heartfelt and moving plot, and exciting action sequences make this one of Pixar's best yet. It's certainly one of my favorites. It's impossible to watch Finding Nemo and not have a good time. I dare you to try.
6: Toy Story 3
I still remember what a huge deal this was in 2010. Everyone was freaking out about how Toy Story 3 was one of the greatest movies of all time. Guess what? It wasn't hype. This great movie still holds up eight years later.
The movie - which became the highest-grossing film of 2010 and got nominated for Best Picture, by the way - is just fantastic. Despite the decade-plus gap between it and its predecessor, it feels through and through like a Toy Story movie. It's got that great humor, for one thing.
I'm still not over this.
It's also got Randy Newman, and we all know that's the most important thing. And, above all, it's deeply moving. To this very day, no one can forget the horrifying scene where all the toys are about to be incinerated. We were all traumatized. It's a shared cultural trauma. We can never forget.
Overall, I don't think Toy Story 3 is the best Pixar movie or even the best Toy Story movie, but damn if it's not fantastic. Sometimes, when I remember that they're making Toy Story 4 and feel iffy about it, I just remember how good this was, and realize that a sequel is probably justified. Even if, in my perfect world, the franchise would be left just the way it is.
5: Toy Story 2
Fun fact (that you probably already know if you're a Pixar fan): Toy Story 2 was almost lost to us. 90% of the movie was accidentally deleted during production, and all hope was lost, until it was discovered that a technical director - and a new mom - had worked on the movie from home and had it saved. God bless new moms, is what I'm saying.
Toy Story 2 went through even more production troubles than that, but the end result damn well doesn't show it. This is definitely one of my favorite Pixar movies. It's probably the most consistently entertaining one, to be honest. It's just a roaring good time, light and emotional and funny. It's so good-natured that it's impossible to reach the end of this movie and feel bad or weighed-down. And like with its predecessor and successor, the whole story of what toys do when we aren't looking is absolutely fascinating. (Although it had a whole generation of kids nervously eyeing their Barbie dolls.)
4: Up
I'm going to start with a criticism: the latter parts of Up aren't all that great, and devolve into a kind of generic shoot-em-up/action ending. I can't really get behind that. But the first parts, and the very end? Transcendental. You've probably heard enough blathering about the opening scene of Up to last you a lifetime, but prepare yourself, because I'm gonna blather some more. This opening scene was sent from the heavens. Later, you'll hear me praise Wall-E for telling a heartfelt story without dialogue, and that's exactly what Up did. There's a reason this scene is legendary.
The rest of the movie could've been crap after this, and Up still would've earned a high spot on my list. But the rest of the movie isn't crap. I mean, it's honestly not the best of the best of the best, but the movie is still interesting, fun, funny, emotional and gives you characters you can really cheer for. Dug is my personal favorite. I honestly don't think any other movie has captured the spirit of dogs so spot-on. "I have just met you and I love you!" "Squirrel!" Et cetera.
The best parts of Up aren't the action sequences (of which there are multiple). They're the quietly thoughtful and emotional parts. And they're there aplenty. Altogether, the themes of old age and letting go of the past are what really make this movie great.
3: Wall-E
In 2007, 2008 and 2009, Pixar sent out Ratatouille, Wall-E, and Up. And I don't know what drugs everyone at Pixar was on during those years, but I want some of what they were smoking, because these are three of the greatest movies ever. Not their greatest movies. The greatest movies.
Wall-E is just... so good, man. I almost feel horrible about putting other movies above this, but honestly, there are other movies that I like more. But I still feel awful. Wall-E is SO GOOD. I'm struggling to even type anything coherent about why I like this movie. It's just so freaking good. It's a crime that this wasn't nominated for Best Picture.
Wall-E has it all. First of all, the protagonist is the most utterly sweet and root-for-able character that Pixar has ever come up with, bar none. Just look at his little face. Just LOOK.
I would lay down my life for him.
Secondly, absolutely every frame of this thing is a magnificent work of art. From the garbage-strewn landscapes of Earth to the scenes on the sleek spaceship to the wonders of space, every single moment of Wall-E is beautiful to view. Thirdly, they managed to tell a deeply moving and heartfelt story mostly without dialogue, which is a mighty feat on its own. Fourthly... man, it's just great. I don't even know what else to say, other than "It's great." There's something, some incredibly good-natured and quietly beautiful quality about Wall-E, that makes it a great movie experience and infinitely rewatchable.
I just love it. Can you tell I love it?
2: The Incredibles
Even I am shocked that I'm putting this at number two. It boils down to one small fact: I like food. And The Incredibles doesn't have a whole lot of food.
And yet, this is definitely one of my favorite movies of all time. The Incredibles has everything you want in a movie. It has everything you want in a superhero movie. It has everything you want in a Pixar movie. It has everything you want, period. (Except food.) The choice to make the aesthetic of this film a timeless homage to the 1960s was a fantastic choice, and that's just the most minor nuggest of praise I have for it. The color scheme is awesome. The characters are all complex and understandable. Michael Giacchino will snatch you bald. And, perhaps most importantly, the action sequences are beyond great. Here are the best three minutes of your life:
You're welcome.
The best thing about The Incredibles is that it doesn't feel like a movie for children. It doesn't pander. It doesn't feel safe. It feels like a superhero movie. The action sequences are not free of stakes; children are put in danger and even explicitly told they might be killed. Infidelity is not only hinted at, it's a main theme; same with mid-life crises and marital strife. And it features one of the most quietly disturbing sequences Pixar has ever had, where Mr. Incredible learns that all of his friends have been murdered whilst Mrs. Incredible learns that her husband is likely cheating on her, all while Michael Giacchino continues to snatch us all bald in the background.
For real. I'm bald.
The only reason The Incredibles isn't #1 on this list is because Brad Bird continued to outdo himself. Let's hope this trend continues with Incredibles 2.
1: Ratatouille
I love food, my friend.
Ratatouille is basically the perfect movie. Actually, screw "basically," it is the perfect movie. If I could pick one flaw about this absolute fucking masterpiece, it would be... uh... well, I thought I was onto something, but it turns out I can't even think of something I would change.
This movie is funny. It's sophisticated, gentle and subtle in a way most movies aren't. And because Michael Giacchino wasn't satisfied with having scalped us once, he returns to scalp us again. (I have been scalped by this guy so many times, my health insurance isn't going to cover any more head skin transplants.)
For real.
But the crowning jewel of Ratatouille is its climax, which can hardly be called such. The main villain, a haughty food critic, is not defeated in a final battle complete with explosions and gunfire. The villain is "defeated" by some good fucking food. Food so good that it literally changes his life and causes him to become a good guy. If this isn't the best ending of any film of all time, I don't know what is.
And it comes with this awesome monologue to boot!
What is Ratatouille's message? People who seek to gatekeep the creation of art are doing nobody any favors? Anybody can do great things, no matter where they come from? Bigotry sucks? Rats are cute? Health inspectors are the worst? Whatever its theme, however you interpret it, this is a profound and genuinely fantastic little movie. It's quietly great, but great nonetheless. Its greatness doesn't come from flashy setpieces or big drama, but from the myriad of quieter, more thoughtful moments that get you in the gut. It just feels like great cinema in such a profound way that - to be perfectly honest - most other Pixar movies don't. There's something especially special about this one, and that's why I'm calling it the best.
Oh. And there's a lot of food. And scenes with characters eating food. And scenes with characters describing food. And a scene where characters enjoy the crackle of a fresh piece of bread. And a scene where characters enjoy what cheese and grapes taste like together. And a billion other scenes with food of all types. That doesn't hurt, either. (I love food.)
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