Spring cleaning 2022

Hey, anyone who might still be reading this blog, long time no see! I am not dead. (Yet.) (Barely.) I can't believe my last post was 3 years ago, and pre-Covid too. Might as well have been the Stone Age. What have I been up to since Covid and everything, you ask? The short answer is "not much" and the long answer is "my life is an empty pit, a decaying black hole where the entropy infects everything it touches, but also I've been seeing a lot of movies, so there's that."

I keep thinking about coming back to this blog, and I keep having absolutely no drive to do so. I used to have so much fun writing snarky reviews, and I'm not quite sure what happened. I just kind of lost my mojo and never recaptured it. My best guess is that Into the Spider-Verse was so very much The Movie Of All Time that my brain just decided, okay, no more reviews, we've peaked. 

I'm actually pretty embarrassed of my output, especially since a good chunk of it was written when I was, like, 15-18 and knew jack shit about jack shit. (I still know jack shit, but now I'm self-aware about it.) With that being said, the one thing I actually have the motivation to do around here is spring clean. Shortly, you might notice a bunch of reviews and articles, the vast majority of them probably, disappear. I won't be deleting them; I'm too nostalgic to get rid of a bunch of stuff I wrote in 2013. I'll just revert them to drafts, because I'm a hoarder. The best thing for a new beginning is a clean slate, I guess. And also it'll prevent people from reading the uninformed crap I was vomiting out into the internet at the literal age of 15 (affectionately). 

Well, if anyone actually read this and cares (I've never been sure), genuinely thank you. And stay tuned. :)

SHADY MOVIE LISTS: Movies that will bomb and 2018's sequels - update post

So, last year, I wrote two blog posts about 2018's movies. One was a list of that year's sequels, and the other was a list of movies I thought wouldn't do so hot. In the first, I made predictions about these movies' Rotten Tomatoes scores and box office hauls. In the latter, I just generally predicted all these movies would flop.

Now, we finally get to see if I was right! Hell yes! Will I become the smuggest person in Canada, or will I be sheepishly eating crow? Let's find out.

SHADY MOVIE REVIEWS: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Oh. Sony Pictures Animation. What the hell happened to you?

SHADY MOVIE LISTS: 2019's most unnecessary films

Yes, it's me, back from my hiatus to roast 2019 into oblivion. Just in time for the new year!

Hiatus

Hey, whoever might be reading this blog. This is just a short update post. I've been super busy in my life, things are hectic, I've got other endeavors on the go, and I just haven't had the time or inclination to update this particular blog. The creative spark is gone. The spirit is unwilling and so is the flesh. To put it bluntly, I think I'm burnt out. I've already posted more articles this year than any other year in my career. I was really on fire with this blog earlier in the year, and now... that's gone. Sorry. Can't help it.

I could have just left this blog to fester without an explanation - after all, I don't update on a schedule. But I didn't think that was fair, in case there's one person somewhere out there who actually gives a shit. So, yeah. I don't know when I'll be back. Maybe next week, maybe never.

Ciao.

SHADY MOVIE THROWBACKS: The shows of my childhood

From the ages of like, 5 to 15,  all I watched was YTV. If you're not Canadian, YTV is THE channel for kids. It has not changed virtually at all in 10 years - it still has the same programming blocks, the same host (I see you, Carlos), the same sets, the same announcer, and everything. It's absolutely insane. It's like a time capsule.

This post has little to do with movies, and not much to do with pop culture, either. Only a very small subset of people are gonna relate to all the obscure Canadian shows on this list. But that's okay, because I hope that even if you're not familiar with what I will discuss, my brilliant writing and sparkling wit will keep you reading anyhow.

SHADY'S DREADFUL MOVIE REVIEWS anouncement!

For the last few years, I've reviewed a bunch of shitty movies - especially in recent months. Now, it's practically this blog's bread and butter. Most of them are animated kids' movies and/or nostalgic movies, though I do hesitate to use the N-word because I don't particularly want to be associated with you-know-who.

In case you're new here, here's the current roster of reviews:

-Zoom: Academy for Superheroes (reviewed in 2018)
-Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (reviewed in 2018)
-The Secret of the Hunchback (reviewed in 2018)
-The Secret of Anastasia (reviewed in 2018)
-Jupiter Ascending (reviewed in 2017, and this isn't technically a review, more me babbling on about stupid bullshit. I'll probably redo this one. There's a lot to talk about.)
-The Adventures of Sharkboy & Lavagirl in 3-D (reviewed in 2016)
-Zoom: Academy for Superheroes (reviewed in 2014, and be warned, I redid this review for a reason - it's terrible. I apologize on behalf of past me.)

Other than writing movie lists, probably my favorite thing to do on this blog is to review awful movies. I just love it. It's my shit. But why, then, do I not have a separate label for my bad movie reviews? I asked myself this question today, and had no answer.

So today, I'm here to announce Shady's Dreadful Movie Reviews! Not much is going to change, except that my bad movie reviews will now have this for their title, and they'll be labeled "Dreadful Movies" too, for your ease of perusal, dear reader. This has already been done for the previous bad movie reviews, if you want to take a peek.

The reason for this? Well, I am terrible at organizing. I've been wanting to spring clean this blog for literal years. This extra label is just a small step in the right direction, in my opinion. By keeping the bad movie reviews separate, I can install order in this one small area of my life where I have complete control, while the rest continues to spiral and crash around me in a never-ending explosion. Oh, and I just think it looks better.

For another quick update: I've been working on a bunch of bad movie reviews for months, because as I mentioned, I am a disorganized human being, and the good fairy of writing inspiration only sees fit to bestow her pixie dust upon me, like, once a month. But anyway, here's a list of the reviews I have in the works:

-Scooby-Doo (2002)
-Bee Movie (2007) - yes, seriously
-Anastasia (the Enchanted Tales version, 1997)
-The King & I (1999)
-Titanic: The Legend Goes On (2000)
-The Secret of Mulan (1998)

So prepare yourself, because these reviews are coming your way. Every single one of these movies is horrendous in its own special way.

Until my next article, peace out.