Tuesday 6 March 2018

SHADY MOVIE LISTS: List of Disney sequels by Rotten Tomatoes rating


In the mid-90s to mid-2000s, Disney went absolutely insane producing cheap, ugly sequels to everything ever. Before the sequel to Aladdin, The Return of Jafar, came out in 1994, Disney had absolutely no direct-to-video sequels. In the 14 years that followed, they produced dozens of them (32 of which are included here, as well as others that aren't included, like several Recess and Tinker Bell films). They really hit their stride in 2004 and 2005, and then, they just stopped - after 2008, no Disney home video sequels have emerged that aren't about Tinker Bell. And no sequels about Tinker Bell have come out since 2015. It's the end of an era.

In honor of Ralph Breaks the Internet: Wreck-It Ralph 2 - which will become the first theatrically-released Disney sequel (and whose trailer dropped this week) - I'm going to be looking at Disney's infamous direct-to-video pantheon. Most of 'em are terrible. Most of 'em are forgettable. But all of 'em are Disney. (By the way, the average score is 35%. Not... completely terrible?)





First of all, there are six sequels that have no score: Hercules: Zero to Hero; A Very Merry Pooh Year; Atlantis: Milo's Return; Winnie the Pooh: Springtime with Roo; Pooh's Heffalump Halloween; and Belle's Tales of Friendship. Three of these - Zero to Hero, Tales of Friendship, and Milo's Return - were just TV episodes/pilots. The rest, as you can see, were Winnie the Pooh movies. Not much variety here.

And now, we move on to the sequels that do have scores.

26. Kronk's New Groove - 0%
I take serious issue with this. When I first saw that Kronk's New Groove had a ZERO rating... I was flabbergasted. And offended.

Kronk's New Groove is no The Emperor's New Groove. No one has denied that. That being said, Kronk's New Groove is fucking great. I am coming out of the closet as a huge fan. This movie is hilarious, fun, funky and does not deserve a 0%, for Christ's sake. It also contains one of the greatest Disney songs of all time.

By virtue of this alone, this movie should not have a zero.


25. Mulan II - 0%

The original Mulan was a beloved classic, the second-last Renaissance movie. Mulan II, however, is neither of those things.

Released in 2004, Mulan II actually doesn't look all that bad, visually. However, "Lesson Number One" is no "I'll Make a Man Out of You," to say the very least. The music in this movie is kinda irredeemable. And the storyline... uhhh.

The plot of Mulan II is that the three soldiers from the first movie - the fat one, the skinny one, and the King of the Rock - get three princess girlfriends. Which, I'm sure, is not something that anyone on the face of this Earth wanted to see. "I wanted to watch a movie about Mulan doing badass things, not about the three comic relief soldiers!" you cry desperately. And fear not, for a full 50% of Mulan II is about Mulan's relationship issues with Shang, and how they might break up due to irreconcilable differences. (Seriously.)

Mulan II is simplistic kiddie stuff. There's no stakes, no intelligence, no awesome moments and none of the greatness that made the original a classic. The closest it gets to being half-decent is with Disney's most dramatic on-screen death of all time (seriously, even Mufasa's death is second to this), in which Shang falls off a cliff. I bet this movie's RT score would have shot up to at least 10% if they had actually had the balls to keep him dead. But nope. He comes back. Of course he does.


24. Cinderella II: Dreams Come True - 11%
"Why did they make a sequel to Cinderella like 50 years later?" you wonder. And here's why: this movie grossed fucking $120 million in sales. And it was direct-to-DVD. I guess people really love them some Cinderella.

This movie has three segments. In the first one, Cinderella adjusts to being a princess, and to the fact that nobody in the palace likes her because she's too goddamn nice to the commoners. In the second one, the mice engage in hijinks with a cat (yes, the Cinderella franchise certainly needed more screen time for the mice). In the third and most well-known segment, Anastasia falls in love with a kindly-but-poor baker, only for her sister and mother to be like, "Yeah, no. That is a commoner. We do not fuck with commoners." You know the story.

Critics didn't really like this one. It was compared to its predecessors Atlantis: Milo's Return and Belle's Magical World, in that it felt like a bunch of cobbled-together rejected TV episodes rather than a movie. But hey, at least it didn't look like rejected TV episodes! Oh, wait, it kinda did.

Shockingly enough, its sequel is the second best-reviewed movie on this list. Cinderella really turned herself around. (But why does all Cinderella media try to retcon Anastasia into a good guy? That's my question.)


23. Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas - 13%
Every piece of media in history has to have a Christmas episode. Even Beauty and the frickin' Beast.

Real talk though: this movie scared the living shit out of me as a child. The vibes of this midquel (yes, I know that midquels are lame) are aggressively dark and sad. The Beast hates Christmas and has banned it from the castle, to the point where, when Belle leaves the castle to get a Christmas tree, the Beast rescues her from icy waters only to promptly throw her in the dungeon to die of hypothermia. Damn, even in the first movie he never threw her in the dungeon. Sure, he told her to "go ahead and starve," but to be fair, she was starving in a very nice guest room with lots of company and not a dungeon.

On top of the Beast's uncharacteristic cruelty - in the first movie, he was gruff, but not this gruff - The Enchanted Christmas also has the scariest villain of all fucking time. Tim Curry voices the evil piano. "An evil piano?" you guffaw. "How can a piano be scary? It can't even fuckin' move!" Well, THAT'S. WHERE. YOU'RE. WRONG.

I AM TRAUMATIZED.

Other than being too scary, oppressively dark, and just not very Christmasy whatsoever, this movie is generally shitty - it looks and feels cheap. Oh, and WTF is the continuity of this?? Doesn't the first movie take place over like, a week? How was there time for a whole Christmas interlude?? There simply wasn't.


22. Belle's Magical World - 17%
We follow up Enchanted Christmas with yet another completely unnecessary Beauty and the Beast follow-up, though this one was slightly better-received. And by the way, this is yet another midquel. My theory is that they can't release a Beauty and the Beast sequel, because the Beast would be transformed into the prince, and then it'd be Beauty and the Prince, and that's just not on-brand at all.

Like Belle's Tales of Friendship, this movie was a series of vignettes that were originally meant to be TV episodes, but were crammed together into a movie for some reason. And...every vignette has a moral to be learned?? I guess this is the Disney equivalent of VeggieTales: we all learn important lessons, like that we should forgive each other and work together and whatnot. Only, VeggieTales was actually good.


21. Tarzan & Jane - 17%
I couldn't find individual scenes from Tarzan & Jane to show you how much the animation regressed in quality from the first one, so you're just gonna have to watch the whole damn movie if you want to find out. Spoiler alert: the answer is "a lot."

However, if your greatest desire is to find out exactly how thicc Jane's dad is, the first few minutes of Tarzan & Jane has your (extremely gratuitous) answer.

Dumb thicc.

This movie is actually a sequel to 1999's Tarzan, while the misleadingly-named Tarzan II is a midquel. (Goddamn midquels!) Like many other crappy Disney sequels, this one was based on a TV show, The Legend of Tarzan, which aired from 2001-2003. The plot of Tarzan & Jane involves three different stories, which are...you guessed it...three TV episodes pushed into one movie.

The "movie" was panned by critics. And I don't think I can overestimate how terrible it looks visually. It. Looks. Terrible.

One of these had a budget of $130,000,000. The other is Tarzan & Jane. Guess which is which.


20. Stitch! The Movie - 20%
Disney kind of went crazy with the Lilo & Stitch sequels. They made three of them, plus three(!) television series. I guess that's because, being sandwiched between the sci-fi flops Atlantis: The Lost Empire and Treasure Planet (which collectively lost somewhere around $130 million), Disney were crying desperate tears of relief that Lilo & Stitch actually managed to break even.

Stitch! The Movie was apparently the worst of the sequels. The critics said that it was bland and lacked the charm of the original. And I wish I could insert an interesting fact about this movie, but this movie is not interesting. There is nothing interesting about this. The best I can do is to tell you that the voice of Lilo also played Samara in The Ring, but you probably knew that.

Seven days.... in Hawaii with Elvis!!!


19. The Fox and the Hound 2 - 20% 
For god's sake, it's another midquel. They certainly could have made a sequel where the adult fox and hound join a circus run by Reba McEntire, but that wouldn't have been nearly as cute.

Like I mentioned, The Fox and the Hound 2 (which was released 25 years after the first one) is about the titular characters, as kids, joining a circus. This movie is from when Reba was at her peak of being a thing, and so, she gets a starring role and her own lengthy-ass, extremely country song. Twang twang twang, banjo, howl, harmonica, I'm lonesome. Et cetera.

The first movie was from Disney's era of making scratchy, ugly animation on a budget, and for a direct-to-video movie, the sequel is surprisingly well-done. So I can't honestly say that The Fox and the Hound 2 looks any worse than its predecessor, because it doesn't. However, the first one had emotion and darkness and some genuine 1970s-patented Disney charm, while the sequel is just the blandest thing since stale bread.


18. Aladdin and the King of Thieves - 27%
This was only Disney's second direct-to-video sequel, after The Return of Jafar in 1994. After refusing to come back for Return of Jafar due to a falling-out with Disney, Robin Williams returned for the third movie to voice the Genie, and so did the rest of the original cast (with the except of Jafar, and no offense, but thank god they didn't bring him back a second time).

I'm actually surprised at this sequel's low rating. Based on many opinions of fans that I've seen, I actually thought King of Thieves was generally well-regarded. I mean, sure, it didn't look the best...

Smoke weed everyday?



17. Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World - 29%
Mel Gibson didn't come back for this direct-to-video sequel (I guess he was too busy doing Lethal Weapon 4). He was replaced with his little-known younger brother, Donal Gibson.

John Smith plays a smaller role in this movie, and Pocahontas gets a new boyfriend, John Rolfe. (Every man in England was named John at that point.) The plot to Pocahontas II is that Pocahontas heads to England to politely ask the king and queen to please maybe stop killing her people and stealing their land. And, historically, we all know that she totally succeeded and saved the day.


When it comes to crappy Disney sequels, Journey to a New World is pretty middle-of-the-road. Sure, it's almost entirely bullshit from a historical perspective, but considering that Pocahontas is widely considered to be one of Disney's worst movies, I don't think Pocahontas II is all that much of a step down. And to be fair, 29% isn't all that bad. For god's sake, Chicken Little only got 36%. (I hate Chicken Little.) Some critics said that Pocahontas II stays on the same level as the original, and... I'm not sure if that's more of an insult to the first one or a compliment to the second.


16. The Hunchback of Notre Dame II - 30%
The edgiest, most controversial Disney movie ever made (at least until Frozen 2: Elsa's Girlfriend comes out in 2019). One that deals with issues of race, rape, religion, and class struggle. One based on a 1000-page long book written by the same guy who did Les Miserables. One with soaring music and gorgeous animation provided by its generous $100 million budget.

And the sequel to this masterpiece?

I want to say "they tried," but I don't think they did.

I feel like the budget for Hunchback of Notre Dame II was like, $500. And most of that went to the paychecks of Demi Moore and Kevin Kline, who both came back for some reason. The remaining $10 went straight into Haley Joel Osment's trust fund. And, to animate the resulting 66 minutes of voice acting, Walt Disney Animation Japan forced a team of 10 interns to work for free through their lunch breaks.

Other than that it sucks, there's not that much to say about The Hunchback of Notre Dame II. It just... looks terrible. It's awful. Genuinely sucky. I'm actually offended on behalf of Tarzan & Jane and The Enchanted Christmas that this movie is higher-rated than them.


15. The Return of Jafar - 33%
This is the one that started it all - Disney's first direct-to-video sequel, which followed Aladdin in 1994. The plot to The Return of Jafar, you can probably easily guess: Jafar comes back. Shocker! Reception was mixed, but notably, Siskel and Ebert gave it two thumbs up. It ended up grossing $130 million and becoming one of the best-selling videos ever.

I, for one, am pissed that they never made a movie about Jafar's evil twin Nasira from the video game Nasira's Revenge, who was kind of a MILF. (Am I allowed to say that about a Disney character?)

She's like a hotter version of Yzma.


14. The Lion King II: Simba's Pride - 33%
This is probably the best-known of the direct-to-video sequels. It's also definitely one of the better ones. Not many 90s kids would know offhand that Tarzan or Lilo & Stitch had sequels, but they'd probably be able to tell you about Simba's Pride.

While the original Lion King was a retelling of Macbeth, this sequel is a retelling of Romeo and Juliet, where Simba's daughter falls in love with Scar's... heir? Son? Nephew? Honestly, a lot of The Lion King's familial relations are unexplained and vaguely incestuous. Is Kiara dating her cousin? Is Nala actually Simba's half-sister? Who the hell knows?

This movie includes a dramatic Shakespearian plot, animation that almost rivals the original's, and an opening song that frankly eclipses "Circle of Life" in my opinion. (Yes, I just said "He Lives in You" is better than "Circle of Life," and I'm not afraid of your pitchforks.) That being said, critics and fans thought the movie was inferior and just OK.

And shockingly enough, the comedy sequel/prequel/midquel Timon-and-Pumbaa-centering Lion King 1½ is not only better-rated than Simba's Pride, but is the best-rated Disney sequel of all fucking time. You heard me right. Read on to find out about it.


13. The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea - 33%
Firstly, I am impressed that Disney had the balls to center this movie around the daughter of Ariel, and also have her look absolutely nothing like Ariel whatsoever. Melody looks exactly like Prince Eric. I don't know, I just think it was gutsy of Disney to pull that stunt. They didn't even give the kid red hair! If this movie was made today, it would look like this.

You know I'm right.

Anyway, in this movie, Ariel's daughter wants to Return to the Sea™, but a nefarious plot is brewing courtesy of Ursula's evil sister, Morgana. (Also, since the pair of eel minions from the first movie were killed or whatever, Morgana has her own pair of manta ray minions. Because that's totally not the exact same thing.) As for reception, there are only three reviews for this sequel on Rotten Tomatoes and two of them are negative, so Little Mermaid II gets a solid 33%.

Side story about me: when I was a little kid, my parents rented this movie and tried to record it onto a new VHS for me to watch later, but I was terrified that we would all be thrown in jail for piracy, so they didn't. Yes, I am old enough to remember when people pirated VHS tapes.


12. The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning - 33%
Yet another 33 percenter. Released in 2008, this was the last Disney direct-to-video sequel that wasn't about Tinker Bell. This one is a prequel, which retcons King Triton's reason for not wanting his daughter to go near humans, from a vague and general "They're dangerous" to "Actually my wife got crushed to death under a human boat, so that's why."

The drama of it all.

From there, the movie follows a generic "after such-and-such killed the king's family member, it was banned from the kingdom" type plot, which we've already seen in Sleeping Beauty (spindles), The Tale of Despereaux (soup), and probably a bunch of other movies I'm forgetting. In this case, it's music that's banned from the sea, seeing as the queen was trying to rescue a music box when she was crushed. And so, music-loving Ariel tries to restore the laughter to her grieving father's heart, and blah blah blah.

Though the movie was criticized, reviewers pointed out how uncommonly good the animation quality was when compared to other direct-to-video movies. And... that's that. After Ariel's Beginning, they didn't make any more sequels. I have no idea why Disney stopped cranking them out, given that this one was a success when it comes to sales, but I suppose we'll never know. (I'm still waiting for Aladdin 4: Origins of Nasira.)


11. Tarzan II - 33%
Like I mentioned before, Tarzan & Jane is the actual sequel to Tarzan. This here? This is a midquel. (GOD. DAMN. MIDQUELS.)

In this movie, a preteen Tarzan comes to terms with the fact that he's neither gorilla nor man, which is weird, considering the fact that in the first movie, when he was like 25, he hadn't come to terms with all that shit. Guess he forgot? In any case, the movie isn't anything special, but the animation is a marked improvement on Tarzan & Jane. And it has TWO new songs from Phil Collins. So it's okay in my books.

Phil didn't have to go so hard. But he did. He did it
for us.


10. Pooh's Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin - 37%
Honestly, I don't know why I included this movie on my list, and not any of the ten bajillion other Winnie the Pooh movies, or any of the Mickey Mouse movies Disney did, or... I don't know. I'm hurting my brain just thinking about it. To remove this movie from my list, I would have to go through every movie and change its number and... oh god. Let's just keep it.

If you know Winnie the Pooh, you know the plot to this. Like in every other movie, Winnie and his friends think Christopher Robin has been kidnapped or whatever, and try to save him. Critics thought the movie was saccharine and unintelligent.

Oh, and is now the right time to tell you how Winnie the Pooh: Seasons of Giving fucking traumatized me? It's not included on my list because it's not technically in the roster of sequels, but as a kid this movie bothered the shit out of me, to the point where I would sob and feel absolutely terrible whenever I even thought about it... Christ, even today it makes me feel bad.

This movie has a segment about each of the four seasons. The latter half of the movie involves Rabbit adopting a baby bird and becoming her daddy, but she's determined to fly south, but Rabbit doesn't want her to fly south, and....for god's sake, the baby bird falls off a cliff, and gets blown around in a snowstorm, and flies away before Rabbit can say goodbye, and he ends up depressed and....

(SNIFF) Rabbie... (SNIFF) Just wanted to say
goodbye... (SNIFF) Jesus God...


9. Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch has a Glitch - 40%
I feel like the plot brainstorming of this movie went something like, "What rhymes with "Stitch?" "Glitch does!" "Great, now how can we shoehorn that into a 68-minute film?"

Praise god above, this is not a midquel. But wait, actually... Stitch Has a Glitch came out after Stitch! The Movie, and takes place between that movie and the first Lilo & Stitch, so... it actually is a midquel? If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times. Fuck midquels. They make everything worse.

The plot of this movie is fairly easy to guess: something's wrong with Stitch, and no one can figure out what it is. In this sequel, Dakota Fanning replaces Samara Morgan as the voice of Lilo. Whatever happened to Dakota Fanning, anyway? Where has she been? Did she fall off the face of the Earth after the Twilight franchise ended? Did Elle Fanning eat her and absorb her powers?

The movie was called cheap, simple and juvenile by critics, but with a rating of 40%, it's definitely one of the better Disney sequels. And that brings us to yet another Lilo & Stitch follow-up...


8. Leroy & Stitch - 40%
Yes, that's right, they made yet another one. Released in 2006, this was the last Lilo & Stitch sequel ever made - but don't fear, the franchise is far from over. They're currently airing an anime TV series which apparently follows the continuity of every single sequel. That's dedication.

In this last sequel, Lilo and Stitch must battle Stitch's evil twin, Leroy. You know he's evil because he's red. I love character design. Critics thought Leroy & Stitch was alright, but pretty unnecessary. That sums up just about every movie on this list, I think.


7. Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp's Adventure - 45%
46 years after the original Lady and the Tramp came out, they decided to make a movie about their son, Scamp. (I wonder why they didn't make a movie about their daughter, Sadie, instead.)

It's not hard to surmise what the movie is about; they didn't exactly break the mold when it comes to the plot. Scamp (played by Scott Wolf, lol) is tired of his boring life and longs for adventure, etc, and so forth. Also, the movie has such lazy character design, and plays right into the myth that when two different-looking dogs have children together, the females will look like the mom and the males will look like the dad. Which is not biologically accurate whatsoever.

Even real Disney movies have fed us this bullshit.

Quite a few of the reviews I read said that Lady and the Tramp II isn't great, but as a Disney sequel goes, it's not bad at all. Which is... high praise, I guess? Anyway, they never made a third one. More's the pity.


6. Bambi II - 50%
ANOTHER. STINKING. MIDQUEL.

In this movie, the young prince Bambi, now voiced by Nemo from Finding Nemo (because the original voice actor was loooong dead by the time this went into production), deals with his mother's death and is raised by his father, the distant Prince of the Forest (voiced by Patrick Stewart, who might well be the biggest star any Disney sequel has wrangled).

Reviewers said the movie was okay, but definitely 100% unnecessary. I couldn't agree more. Was anyone clamoring for a narrative that further tortures us with Bambi's mom's death? Literally no one wanted this. Especially not those poor, poor 50s babies.


5. Brother Bear 2 - 50%
Let us be honest. The first Brother Bear wasn't exactly the hottest shit Disney ever made. (Actually, depending on how you interpret that phrase, maybe it was.) Unsurprisingly, Brother Bear 2 actually has a better rating than the theatrically-released Brother Bear - 50% compared to 38%. Yikes!

In fact, Brother Bear is the second worst-reviewed theatrical Disney movie of all time, next to Chicken Little. And here's a fun fact for you: out of the six worst-reviewed Disney movies ever, four of them were released between 2001-2006. Disney was not having a good time in those days.

In Brother Bear 2, the character originally voiced by Joaquin Pheonix in the first movie gets replaced with Patrick Dempsey, which is a step up, if you ask me. And don't ask me to describe the plot - I've read it 50 times and I can't summarize it for you. With all the MacGuffins and amulets and magical spells, this might as well be a new Harry Potter movie. Like I said before, critics didn't think this sequel was great by any means, but they did think it was an improvement on the first one.

Another fun fact: whereas Phil Collins (may he live forever) did the music for the first movie, the sequel's soundtrack was provided by... Melissa Etheridge?? A third fun fact: this was Rick Moranis's last movie, to date. Brother Bear 2 is just awash with fun facts.


4. An Extremely Goofy Movie - 57%
We're getting into the final stretch here, folks. This is yet another case where critics enjoyed the sequel better than the first one - this movie's 57% beats A Goofy Movie's 53%.

An Extremely Goofy Movie doesn't exactly break new ground. Its plot is virtually an identical retread of the first one - Max, Goofy's son, hates Goofy and is embarrassed by him, and so forth. Only this time, the movie takes place in college, not high school. But still - same difference.

Not-so-fun fact: even though An Extremely Goofy Movie was released over a year before 9/11, after the event occurred, a certain scene was edited out of the movie for all subsequent releases.

Here it is, if you're curious.


3. 101 Dalmatians II: Patch's London Adventure - 67%
Yet another dog-based Disney sequel which came out 40+ years after the first one and focuses on the son of the former main characters. This, however, is one of the better ones.

In this movie, Patch, son of Pongo and Perdita, goes on an adventure with Thunderbolt, a famous TV dog, and tries to save his family from Cruella de Vil. And yes, that's right - there is a dog TV star named Thunderbolt in this movie (and the first one too). Is it stealing when you steal from yourself, Disney?

With a 67% approval rating, this is the third best-reviewed Disney sequel. The animation is pretty darn good, and it has a Corgi character. Has any other Disney movie had a Corgi? You can't go wrong.


2. Cinderella III: A Twist in Time - 71%
Considering that Dreams Come True was one of the worst movies on this list, I think A Twist in Time is a pretty triumphant comeback for Cinderella. And why? First reason: the high-concept story. Second reason: thank Christ, they let Prince Charming have a few character traits. Third reason: they made it funny.

I genuinely laughed out loud at this.

This movie actually has a storyline, unlike its predecessor: the wicked stepmother gets ahold of the Fairy Godmother's wand, and uses it to turn back time and make the glass slipper fit Anastasia instead of Cinderella. Which is actually... kind of a great plot, if I'm being honest.

The movie has decent visuals, good humor, an engaging plot, and pretty much shocked everyone who watched it by how good it was. But it's still not the king of the Disney sequels. That title belongs to...


1. The Lion King 1½ - 76%
There are two follow-ups to The Lion King. One is a dramatic retelling of Romeo & Juliet. The other is a comedic, self-referential retelling of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. Tell me, which of these do you think would be higher-rated? I'm pretty sure no one would expect The Lion King 1½ to be the best-rated Disney sequel of all time, but here we are. This is apparently the cream of the damn crop.

The very idea of a Lion King combination prequel, midquel and sequel that retells everything from Timon and Pumbaa's entirely comedic perspective is just... completely unnecessary. And yet, somehow, this crazy thing probably couldn't have worked any better. Critics thought The Lion King  was clever, fun and generally delightful. It had catchy music, decent visuals and winning humor - everything a direct-to-video sequel usually doesn't have.

Take notes, Disney - if you ever want to start pumping out direct-to-video sequels again, The Lion King 1½ should be your gold standard. 

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