CapAlert.com

I'm going to shake things up. How am I going to do this, you ask? Well, I'm going to do something unheard of! Something revolutionary! I'm going to laugh at the sad, sad website that is CapAlert.com! And I'm going to post it here so all my readers (are there even any?) can laugh along with me.

A little background: CapAlert is a fundamentalist Christian website that reviews films. The guy who runs it is the kind of guy I would keep away from my kids and who would be seen watching playgrounds with binoculars, to be honest.

He has a nifty little ratings system he ranks films on, which he insists is impartial - "I don't make the rules, Jesus does" - though he quite obviously tweaks films' scores based on whether he liked them or not. For some reason, Harry Potter is The Most Evil Of All The Evils, according to him, while Mary Poppins achieves a perfect score because "hey, she could be an angel, we don't know for sure". Do you see what we're dealing with here? Endless comic gold.

Now, to be clear here, I don't hate Christians, I don't have issues or a deal with Christians, I have issues with Christians who are nut-jobs. And this guy is a nut-job. So through the next little while I'll comb through his website, screenshot / copypaste the funniest things about his reviews / constant plea for money / fact that somehow he has managed to adopt 8 children despite having no job, and have a grand old time with it. The website truly is a mine of comedy gold. One almost suspects it's a parody. Check out those prime 1996 graphics!