This is Incredibles Week here at Shady's Blog. Because Incredibles 2 is coming out on Thursday. I have tickets. No, I can't believe it either.
I've got to sincerely apologize for using a Big Bang
Theory gif on my blog, but this is literally me.
What does "Incredibles Week" mean? Well, I have no clue. This is a term I've invented just now. Search me. I don't know what Incredibles Week entails. Maybe I'll write more articles on the subject, or maybe I'll just spend the week hyperventilating like an idiot.
2004's The Incredibles, without a single doubt, by a HUGE stretch, is Pixar's darkest and most adult movie. One of their best, sure. One of the best superhero movies ever, yeah. But still. For Pixar, for Disney, for kids' filmdom in general...The Incredibles was freaking bleak, man. When it comes to Pixar's darkest offerings, Monsters, Inc., which features a scheme to suck screams out of the faces of terrified kidnapped children, comes in second. But it's not even a close second.
If you've never seen The Incredibles, read the following countdown of its darkest and most adult-oriented moments. You'll see what I mean. Corresponding videos will be included when available/appropriate.
10. "You need to be more... flexible."
Skip to around 2:50.
Okay, let's get this out of the way: The Incredibles is absolutely dripping in sex. There's lovemaking all over the place. It's barely veiled.
This movie definitely flirts with the implications of a super-strong man and a woman whose body can stretch into any formation having a relationship together. There are several, and I mean several, moments in the film that suggest that Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl have a very active and mind-blowing sex life. It is freaking blatant. The come-ons. The glaring sexual tension. The ass-grabbing (YES THIS MOVIE HAS A LITERAL ASS-GRABBING SCENE). Et cetera.
I've chosen to include the most in-your-face sexual line in the movie to sum it all up. Putting aside the fact that this scene is oozing with unspoken hotness, there's this line from Elastigirl: "Well, I think you need to be more... flexible." My GOD. Props to Holly Hunter, because if I was in this movie, I don't think I could get through this line without bursting into awkward laughter. Jesus.
9. The whole affair storyline
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like this is the sole Pixar movie to include a huge affair subplot. After 15 years of marriage and boring suburban life, Mr. Incredible returns to working as a hero, keeping this fact from his wife, Helen, who grows suspicious of his behavior. But she's not suspicious that he's a hero again... she's suspicious that he's cheating on her. This basically kickstarts the plot, as Helen decides to head to Nomanisan Island to whoop his no-good ass. (I don't know what I hate more - the "No man is an island" pun, or the fact that I didn't notice this pun until recently.)
To be fair, the movie never actually outright has Helen say, "He's cheating on me." It just... skirts the topic. But get this: Helen believes he's cheating partly because she finds a blonde hair on his clothes. Because of this, I have a theory that Mr. Incredible actually did cheat on his wife. And why do I think so? Well, how the hell else did that blonde hair get on his jacket, when the table he was sitting at with Mirage looked like THIS:
Seriously! Did the hair float over magically???
There must have been some inappropriate hugging going on, at the very least, for that hair to get on that jacket. It's my fervently-held little fan theory that there actually was an affair going on between Mr. Incredible and Mirage. Hey, they never actually said that he didn't have an affair. It's up to the jury. And I'm the jury. And I say he did.
8. "They will kill you."
The Incredibles loves kids in danger. It really does. The children, Violet and Dash, are probably put into more peril than the parents are!
At one point, Helen warns her children that the bad guys in this situation aren't like the bad guys of Saturday morning cartoons: there are real stakes here, and these evildoers will kill the kids if they get the chance. And damn, she's right. As seen in the scene above (which may well be one of the most kinetic, thrilling action sequences in animated film history), the bad guys spend an inordinate amount of time trying to shoot, punch, and throw these kids to death. They are not fucking around.
Speaking of shooting...
7. Guns all over the place (general violence and mayhem)
See the first minute or so of this scene.
This is easily the most violent Pixar movie ever - guns, explosions, punching/kicking, and various other forms of brutality abound. It's probably also the only Pixar movie that will ever include a police chase, where the cops and the criminals are shooting at each other out the windows of their cars while driving down a busy street, immediately after the title card. I mean. WOW.
The first few minutes of The Incredibles aren't fucking around, and show you exactly what kind of movie this is gonna be. As well as introducing the recurring motif of guns - because holy hell, are there ever gonna be a lot of guns in this movie - it also includes the aforementioned car chase, which only ends after Mr. Incredible throws a massive tree into the road which the criminals crash into at, like, 100 miles an hour. Believe me, the movie doesn't let up from there.
It is insanely violent for Pixar. Jesus, this may as well be The Hateful Eight.
6. Deaths of, like, 50 henchmen
Please see the video included with "They will kill you." It includes most of the relevant stuff for this entry.
I mean... where do I start? The anonymous henchmen, all of whom wear goggles over their faces and are pretty samey-samey, don't have much luck in this movie. Mr. Incredible throws one in the ocean. He crushes two underneath a large monorail pod which he threw from like 100 feet away. (I'm pretty sure only the fact that these guys were seen groaning afterwards, indicating that they're still alive, kept this movie from getting an R rating.) Another, he knocks off a 20-foot balcony by throwing a rock at his head. And that's just the start.
Dozens of henchmen die - most in explosions, all of which were caused by the Incredibles, none of whom seem particularly traumatized by the fact that they're all murderers. I guess Pixar wanted to be more realistic with martial issues than with PTSD. The children, at least, should be super freaked out after all this is done. But they're not. Whatever.
5. "No capes!"
The most well-known, iconic scene from The Incredibles is also one of the darkest, when you think about it for more than two seconds. Superhero costume designer Edna Mode roundly rejects Mr. Incredible's request for a costume with a cape, reminding him of all the superheroes who have died due to their capes. It's a long, grisly list.
One superhero was sucked into a vortex. Another was killed by an elevator. One was snagged by a rocket and blasted into space. The worst by far? Stratogale, a teenage superhero who was - and if you're not familiar with The Incredibles, this might shock you, so get ready - sucked into a jet engine. And we see it onscreen. (!!!!!!)
Little side note: the movie's villain, Syndrome, suffers the exact same fate as Stratogale in the end. And then there's a huge explosion. Because of course there is.
4. Rotting corpse
Skip to around 2:25 for the gory details.
Again, correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like this is the only Pixar movie thus far to show an actual rotting skeleton on camera. This follows a whole scene where Mr. Incredible is first threatened by rotating blades next to his neck, then thrown around, then tossed 100 feet into the air, then jumps over a cliff, then nearly gets bombed to death. You know. For kids!
After Mr. Incredible escapes Syndrome's bomb (which, in an extremely petty measure, is shaped like an "I"), he ends up in an underground cave, where he discovers his old friend, Gazerbeam. Or, at least, what's left of him. It's unknown how Gazerbeam died, but he's damn well good and dead. And there's his icky, nasty skeleton, just lying there out in the open for everyone to see.
I don't even have anything more to say about this. Moving on.
3. Choking scene
Mirage really gets the short end of the bargain in this movie. I mean, really.
Following an extremely dark scene which will be mentioned above, a captive Mr. Incredible believes Syndrome has killed his wife and kids. When Mirage, feeling pity for him, shows up and releases him, he responds by... choking the living shit out of her. Good GOD this movie is dark.
When Mirage manages to communicate through rapidly-turning-blue lips that his family actually aren't sleeping with the fishes, Mr. Incredible responds by hugging her. But then Elastigirl shows up at that exact moment (of course), and thinks the innocent hug = that two-timing creep Mr. Incredible getting it on sexually with that two-bit whore Mirage. Cue Elastigirl sucker punching Mirage full on in the face. God DAMN. I wouldn't want to be Mirage.
2. "Show me."
Okay, this scene....
This scene...
This...
I mean....
I....
Dude.
1. Suicide attempt
Skip to around 0:40.
First of all, a character is explicitly seen trying to commit suicide. Like, he's at the top of a building, and a woman screams, "He's gonna jump!" and then he does jump. Can't get much more explicit than that. Or can you?
Luckily, Mr. Incredible manages to save Oliver Sansweet, the would-be suicide victim. Only to have Oliver sue him. Because Oliver wanted to die.
"You didn't save my life, you ruined my death!" is an actual quote in this movie.
LET THAT SINK IN.
Bonus: "My evening's in danger!"
Yet another very iconic and hilarious scene from The Incredibles that turns out to be kind of dark when you think about it. So, Frozone's wife Honey is fully aware that people are in danger. She's fully aware that her husband is a hero and needs his supersuit to save the lives of said people in danger.
But does she care? Does she help him find his suit? Nah. She's far more concerned about her burgeoning dinner plans than about the lives of some fools outside. She's been planning this dinner for two months. Public safety can wait.
Damn, Honey is kind of a sociopath when you think about it!
There we go - the first entry of Incredibles Week! I'll probably be writing more in the week to come. And I'll definitely be writing more after the movie comes out. Like, "you'll want to tell me to shut the hell up" more.
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